I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My liver just had a heart attack.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
