I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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