Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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