Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
that is very illegal...i love you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
