I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize