so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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