whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
