Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize