She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
