My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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