the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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