No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
