he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dignity is for republicans.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
