Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
