i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
