goodnight i made you a song goodbye
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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