i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
