i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
