It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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