If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
