We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
