I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
