R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
