i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
