AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
