maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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