Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
a search helicopter?!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
