I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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