Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
please don't ironically join a cult
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