my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize