If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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