i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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