You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
