You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
