If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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