you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
