I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize