Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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