if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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