barbara walters just said penis...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
