I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
