My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
