This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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