Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
