This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
