This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize