May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
