she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
