I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
