I wannas sexs uuuuu
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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