i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
