Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
