Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You need a sexual gate keeper
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
