its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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