My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
