based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
