Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
