Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
