Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
