And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
