They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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