How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
