is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm just crazy horny about you
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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