I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
