I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
