Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
