I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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