Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
