You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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