The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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