remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
