My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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