He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
