I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
