you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
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