So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Are we still banned from the library?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize