Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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