In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
