it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
