so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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