guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
