If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
