I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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