he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
