john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
