I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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