YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
