Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
