You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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