If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
