somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize