Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
no, he came in my armpit
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
