in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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