he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
