Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
