After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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