I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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