the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
