do herpes really smell.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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