Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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