Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
