garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
