you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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