Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
