how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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