Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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